The Church is a Family!

This article appeared in the Magnolia Messenger in 2021

4 Marks of a Healthy Church Family

What does a Fortune 500 company and a local church have in common? Well, from a Biblical viewpoint, the answer is nothing! The church is not a business; it’s not a corporation to drive forward with businesslike achievements. God’s kingdom blueprint isn’t about numbers, strategies, budgets, and spreadsheets. He doesn’t measure His church by corporate metrics such as profits and losses. A healthy church isn’t about filling slots, plugging people into tactical positions, or managing clever marketing. God’s church leaders are not bosses nor CEO’s; they are the spiritual shepherds of His flock. Preachers in the Lord’s church are not entertainers or entrepreneurs; they are heralds of the truth and ministers of God and His people. The church is not a business, and we will never experience God’s glorious design for His church as long as we model it as such.

Instead of approaching the church like a business, a far more Biblical approach is to view the church as a family. The pages of the New Testament are littered with phrases and concepts to help us understand the relational nature of Christianity. As Jesus was being crucified, one of his final sayings from the cross was to John and Mary. Jesus “said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” (John 19:26-27 ESV). At the words of Jesus, Mary and John became as family to one another. Later, when Paul wrote to the church in Rome, he recommended Phoebe as “our sister” (Romans 16:1 ESV). Peter commended Silvanus as “a faithful brother” (1 Peter 5:12 ESV). Add to these references the vast number of times Christians are collectively referred to as “brethren” (KJV) or “brothers” (i.e. brothers and sisters) (ESV). These were not special titles or meaningless phrases just tossed around by the apostles; the 1st century Christians were a family. We are the very “household of God” (1 Timothy 3:15 ESV). Jesus views those in His church as His very own family and is “not ashamed to call them brothers” (Hebrews 2:11 ESV). So when we think church, we need to be thinking relationally. Rather than seeing the church as a building to decorate, an event to attend, an organization in which to participate, or just another business to run, we desperately need to recapture and rediscover the community nature of God’s church. The church is a family!

But what makes a healthy church family? How can we make our local churches feel more like a family and less like a business? How can we show our communities that the body of Christ really is a place where you can belong to something special and become something more? In truth, some of the very traits needed for a physical family to be healthy are the characteristics needed for a healthy local church. If you are hungering for a more relational religion and wanting to help foster a more personal and loving church home, then keep reading and let’s explore four marks of a healthy church family.

First, a healthy church family is a place of togetherness. If your family life at home is anything like mine, then you and your family probably spend a lot of time together. You eat meals together, you do chores around the house together, you play games together, you worship together, and you likely do all sorts of other activities with one another. That’s what healthy families do—they spend time together! Likewise, a healthy local church is marked by togetherness. Some of the earliest comments made about the infant church in the book of Acts can be found in Acts chapter 2. From the very beginning, the early church was marked by sweet fellowship, real intimacy, and a spirit of friendship. Those first Christians “were together and had all things in common” (Acts 2:44 ESV). Not only that, but they were “attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes” (Acts 2:46 ESV). We often emphasize the need to be like the early Christians (e.g. the name we wear, how we worship, etc.), and rightfully so, but what about replicating their relationships? You see, these relationships cannot be molded inside of a church building. We must do more than just worship around our brothers and sisters to be the family God calls us to be! Break out of your shell, get into the homes of your brothers and sisters, get them into your home, and spend time together outside of the church house. Do as much as you can together to forge the bonds of friendship and create that Acts 2 togetherness!

Second, a healthy church family is marked by affection. Love and affection are almost synonymous with a healthy home. After all, what’s a home without the warmth of love and the safety of knowing others care? Similarly, love ought to be evident in our church homes! Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35 ESV). Since we are brothers and sisters in the Lord, we are taught to “love one another with brotherly affection” (Romans 12:10 ESV). The apostle John reminded us that this love, though, has to transcend our spoken words (see 1 John 3:17-18). Loving our church family is more than speaking kindly to them in the foyer of the church building. Rather, it is selflessly loving them to the point that we are willing to become their very servant. We are there for them when they are sick. We are the first ones on the scene when there is a problem. Since we love them, we are willing to babysit their children, pick up their prescriptions, rake their leaves, fix their broken toilets, and give of our own goods to help them in times of need. That’s the church! That’s a family! A healthy church family, you see, is a place where we “through love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13 ESV).

Third, a healthy church family is marked by expectations. Within a physical family, there is an expectation to grow up and mature. We can’t remain an adolescent forever. Even from a young age, many children are given responsibilities within the home to foster their growth and development (e.g. feeding the dog or cat, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn). Likewise, the body of Christ is a place where we are expected to grow and develop. Peter exhorted his readers to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18 ESV). Conversely, the writer of Hebrews lamented because many of his recipients failed to grow from spiritual adolescence to greater maturity (see Hebrews 5:11-14). A healthy church, much like a good family unit, aids us as we seek to grow up in Jesus. Wise shepherds understand their Biblical call to help teach, equip, train, and empower the flock for “the work of ministry” (Ephesians 4:12 ESV). Older men willingly mentor the younger men following in their footsteps, and the older women lovingly disciple the younger women to help them be what God calls them to be. Who are you mentoring in your church family? Who are you helping to grow? Who are you equipping? The church, you see, is a place where I am expected to grow, but it is a place where I am empowered to grow because of the help of my Chrisitan family.

Fourth, a healthy church family is marked by accountability. One of the beautiful things about a loving home is the fact that your family is there to rescue you when you go astray. Television shows like the popular program Intervention often highlight families coming to the aid of some loved one who has lost their way. They are honest with their family member, even though it hurts. They give them the love, support, and encouragement they need to get back on track. They help them to stay accountable. Comparably, the church is a place where we come running to the aid of our family members in need of an intervention. As the apostle Paul taught, “if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1 ESV). Inherent in this passage is the relational aspect of New Testament Christianity. Without a relationship, how could I know if a brother or sister has gotten caught up in sin? If my relationship with them is lacking, how could I possibly be successful in helping them to become spiritually realigned? You see, a healthy relationship with our brothers and sisters is paramount. In fact, rescue requires a relationship! And when we have the close Christian relationships we ought, we will tenderly hold our brethren accountable to the Lord’s standards. We are a family of burden bearers and burden sharers!

If you are like me, then you are craving something much more than a business model for the church. You want a community. You want a family! Thankfully, that’s God’s plan for the church, and a family is just what we will experience as we implement the life-changing teachings of the Scriptures. God has masterfully crafted the church to be so much more than committees, programs, spreadsheets, and budgets. God gave us His Son to make us His family. But what will you do to make your church home a haven of love, a network of real friendships, an environment of growth, and a place of accountability? Don’t settle for anything less than God’s design for the church! Let’s be the family God made us to be!